“Sometimes paranoia's just having all the facts.”—William S. Burroughs

 

Amir Khan can be forgiven for being paranoid. It goes with the territory. Three years ago he and his wife, Faryal Makhdoom, on the verge of a breakup, had a public spat on social media where accusations of adultery flew back-and-forth between them. What prompted the to-do was a photograph, apparently doctored, of Makhdoom and Joshua talking with each other, which caused Khan’s head to spin, fingers to type, and credibility to suffer.

 

“So me and the wife Faryal have agreed to split,” Khan wrote on Twitter, airing his dirty laundry in public. “Left my family and friends for this Faryal. Faryal moved on quick. Always mentioned to me how much she wanted to be with another guy, from all people another boxer. I'm making it public. You getting the divorce #Golddigger.”

 

Khan’s j’accuse raised eyebrows, but his targets denied it. Joshua tweeted, “I hope you guys can resolve your situation or this is a hack as we have never even met! Plus I like my women BBW #ItWasntMe.”

  

Makhdoom said more than Joshua, much more.

 

“The screenshots sent to Amir were ‘fake’ and Amir thought Joshua and I were speaking, when we have never met,” she wrote. “@amirkingkhan I'm not sure if it's your family tweeting for you. But I'm not the one who's been in the papers for cheating.

 

“Stop making false things up. You have actually lost it. Wtf where do u make this stuff up from? And maybe your boxing career is finished because you're an adulterer."

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Man, she's hardcore. None of this little woman stuff for her.

 

“At the end of the day I can hold my head high knowing I've given this marriage my 100% while Amir clearly hasn't. Bad company, bad role model, always around women, alcohol and then he calls himself a Muslim.”

 

That might have been a low blow.

 

“I think he just needs some attention because boxing hasn't been going well for him so he's just been acting up.

 

“Accusing other boxers just because your boxing career is finished. Man up Amir.”

 

Ouch.

 

“After all these years,” she continued. “I've always defended a cheat, always stuck around for him, always had his back. And I'm called a gold digger?

 

“LOL! He's given me jack s***—I pay house bills and bills for my daughter myself! It's like I'm a single mother while he's out messing around. And he has the nerve to blast me like that? The amount of evidence I have on you. It can destroy you. But since I loved you at one point in my life, I'll just let it go.

 

“I'm not the one who's been in the papers every month with my pants down Cheater!”

 

Faryal and Amir reconciled not long after. In February she gave birth to their third child. It's a boy. Khan is pleased he finally has a son, and found another windmill to tilt for the occasion.

 

Sitting on a sofa in his home with the sound of small children in the background, Khan spoke to his legions of fans about the COVID-19 pandemic.

 

“Do you think this coronavirus thing that’s going around has anything do to do with the 5G?” he asked on a video earmarked for his Instagram account. “They said the radiation is very bad and poisons the cells in the body and obviously it’s going to make things bad. So what do you think guys? All this stuff going around, coronavirus this, coronavirus that—I think it has to do with the 5G.”

 

Khan is not alone. Anti-5G arsonists across the UK have been setting phone masts, the dreaded 5G towers, on fire. Khan has not applauded their efforts, but one senses he's with them in spirit.

 

“Every time when 3G happened, when 4G happened, and 5G, something always happens. There’s always a pattern. Back in 2003, when 3G was introduced in the world, there was SARS. Then in 2009, when 4G was introduced, everyone seemed to have this big outbreak of swine flu. And in 2020, 5G, coronavirus.”

 

That may or may not be, but it hardly accounts for the bubonic plague of 541; the Justinianic plague of 583, which lingered until 750; smallpox; the Black Death that wiped out a third of Europe between 1347-1351; the Spanish flu following World War I that killed millions; and the many cholera pandemics over the centuries.

 

Khan could have explained it. But it was late, almost time for bed. And he was getting drowsy.

 

“I don’t think it comes from China,” he said. “I think that’s just a lie really. I know people are saying they’re eating bats and snakes and then the poison mixed and caused that. What bullshit is that? Do you really believe that? I don’t.

 

“I think it’s a man-made thing. It’s been put there for a reason, to keep everyone in while the test the 5G. It might because they want to control the population. So for population control, they get rid of all of us, especially the old people. So maybe they want to do that. You never know.

 

“So who’s behind all this? They’ll probably try to section me off, saying ‘this guy has taken too many punches to the head.’” 

 

Yes, they might say that.