125 Must-Read Boxing Articles! (Part 5)

By Peter Wood on March 12, 2020

Ali proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that William F. Buckley’s coffee cup got it wrong.

(This is the last of a 5-part series)

 

This five-part series has provided concrete evidence—incontrovertible proof—that boxing has crept into every dirty crevice and delightful nook-and-cranny of American society.   

 

You find this sublime and sordid sport mentioned in politics, philosophy, business, fashion, the arts, religion, and in medicine.  

 

Boxing is found in tattoos, highway billboards, commercials of every type, porno, Broadway, apparel, song lyrics, poems, arcane publications, and on tombstones.

 

Listed below are my last 25 pieces of evidence to support my case of this boxing ubiquity. (As a bonus, I throw in 10 extra tidbits.)

 

1.  “Masturbation is FUN!” (Tyson Fury quoted in Playboy magazine. “I masturbate seven times a day,” he claims.)

 

2.  “A Knockout Is a Perfectly Tossed Equation” (Physics Digest)

 

3. “Eat As Much As You Want—Just Don’t Swallow It” (Archie Moore’s diet strategy revealed in Weight Watchers Magazine)

 

4. “Plays Purify the Morals—Boxing Purifies the Soul” (a pivotal line of dialogue in Golden Boy, a smash hit Broadway play by Clifford Odets in 1937)

 

5.  “My Body Is Buried In Disgusting Fat!” (laments Andy Ruiz, Jr. in a Jenny Craig brochure)

 

6.  “Tony Ayala, Jr.—A Boy Born For Prison” (Prison Magazine)

 

7.  “Mike Tyson’s Canine Behavior” (Bark Magazine)

 

8.  “Mike Tyson’s Normal Is Abnormal” (Mental Health Today)

 

9.  “Gatti & Ward—Two Hurricanes in the Same Paper Bag!” (a Hefty Bag commercial)

 

10. “Debaters Are Frustrated Boxers” (words written on William F. Buckley’s Firing Line coffee cup)

 

11. “Lawyers Are Frustrated Boxers” (words chiseled onto F. Lee Bailey’s tombstone)

 

12. “Writers Are Frustrated Boxers” (words tattooed onto Ernest Hemingway’s right bicep)

 

13. “Boxers Are Frustrated Debaters, Lawyers or Writers” (Joyce Carol Oates perceptive quote on Jimmy Kimmel Live!)

 

14. “I Can Hospitalize a Brick!” (John L. Sullivan quoted in a 1888 Police Gazette)

 

15. “Show Me A Boxer and I’ll Show You An Unhappy Childhood” (Sigmund Freud in How To Analyze People)

 

16. “Cassius Clay’s Tongue Is Too Big For His Tiny Brain” (Norman Mailer quoted on The Dick Cavett Show)

 

17. “An Artist Lives the Life of a Prizefighter” (a tattoo inked on Madonna’s breast above her heart)

 

18. “The Permanent Inferiority Complex of Floyd Patterson” (Psychology Today)

 

19. “God Is On Our Side” (President Trump quoted Joe Louis, the former heavyweight champion in a tweet after the Iraqi invasion—reported in The New York Times)

 

20. “He Can Run But He Can’t Hide” (President Obama quoted Joe Louis, the former heavyweight champion, after the covert military operation killing Osama bin Laden—reported in The Washington Post)

 

21. “Young, Old…Just Words” (George Foreman quoted in AARP Magazine)

 

22. “I’m Slapsie Maxie Rosenbloom!”  (the 1940s light heavyweight contender appearing on I’ve Got a Secret, the popular CBS game show hosted by Garry Moore in 1964)

 

23. “WHATEVER IS NOT NAILED DOWN IS MINE—WHATEVER I CAN’T PRY LOOSE IS NOT NAILED DOWN” (a Tommy Hilfiger t-shirt worn  by Claressa Shields, the WBC World Female Middleweight Champion)

 

24. “Liston, LaMotta, & Bruce ‘The Mouse’ Strauss” (Dive Magazine)

 

25. “I Am The Pinnacle of Human Stupidity” – former heavyweight contender, Andrew Golota, quoted in Genius Magazine)

 

10 BONUS TIDBITS!

 

26. “I’ve Always Been a Jackass!” (Adrien Broner spoofed in Mad Magazine)

 

27. “He Was Born To Lose Money” (Money Magazine reporting on Riddick Bowe’s financial woes)

 

28. “Ringo Banged Me Like a Drum!” (a hooker at the Mustang Ranch whorehouse referring to Oscar Bonavena, the former heavyweight contender from Argentina)

 

29. “WANTED! PROFESSIONAL HEAVYWEIGHT!—Room & Board Guaranteed!” (Hugh Benbow’s 1965 ad in the Entrepreneur’s Forum)

 

30. “Even Leon Spinks Flosses His Teeth!” (an Oral-B Glide advertisement on a billboard in St. Louis, Missouri)

 

31. “Boxing Has Been A Life-Changing Experience!” (British boxing promoter and manager, Frank Maloney, on BBC, revealing his 2014 gender reassignment. He now wishes to be called “Kellie” Maloney.)  

 

32. “I Don’t Like Money, Buy It Quiets My Nerves” (Joe Louis, former heavyweight champion quoted in The Wall Street Journal)

 

33. “He Cums In His Pants Each Time He’s Punched” (cornerman Al Braverman commenting on his heavyweight fighter in Strange But True Magazine)

 

34. “Boone Kirkman’s Fist Hits Like A Mack Truck!” (Trucker’s USA Magazine, chronicling Kirkman, a 1970s heavyweight contender,  who became a Boeing truck driver after retiring from the ring

 

35. “Everybody Is a Fighter—In Their Own Chosen Arena” (Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill)

 

125-Must-Read Boxing Articles! (Part 1)

125-Must-Read Boxing Articles! (Part 2)

125-Must-Read Boxing Articles! (Part 3)

125 Must-Read Boxing Articles! (Part 4)

125 Must-Read Boxing Articles! (Part 5)

Peter Wood is the author of “The Boy Who Hit Back.”

His web address: www.peterwwood.com